Maid-of-Honor Says She Can't Afford Bachelorette Party at Disneyland, Bridezilla Suggests She Take Out a Loan: '[It] felt more like a vacation than a party'

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    WIBTAH if I refused to pay for a crazy expensive bachelorette party?
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    Please forgive any formatting errors as I'm writing on my phone. So my (32F) cousin (34F) (we'll call her Calli) is getting married early next year. We're pretty close, we even lived together for a few years in college. We don't talk every day but at least once a month and at all family events.
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    This is the first marriage for both her and her man. They're very excited and are going all out with the wedding (we live in a fairly cheap state but her wedding will still cost around $40K). Our families don't have a lot of money so she's putting most of the expenses
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    on credit cards, doing payment plans, and she even took out a small loan. I don't think that's a great idea, but I've kept my mouth shut. After all, it's not my wedding. Anyway, earlier this year Calli asked if I would be her maid of honor along with
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    another married friend of ours. I was incredibly excited and of course, said yes. I knew there would be many expenses: dress, hair, makeup, shoes, bridal showers, and the bachelorette party. So I saved my tax refund from
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    this year to make sure I had all the costs covered and I've eagerly paid for everything Calli has asked for. Now to the problem. The other Maid of Honor called me the other day and told me that Calli is wanting to go to
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    Disneyland for her bachelorette party. The bride wants three days in California with an AirBnB. I kind of lost my mind over how much that would cost and I called Calli. I tried to be as polite as possible and told her that this felt more
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    like a vacation than a party and I couldn't afford it. She burst into tears and told me that she has paid for super expensive bachelorette parties for some of her other friends and she deserves to have the same thing. She even
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    suggested I get a credit card. I wasn't sure what to say to that, so I told her I'd do some budgeting and figure it out. But the thing is, I simply cannot afford that. I don't have any credit cards, and the few loans I have, I've been working really hard on paying off. I'm very
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    conscious of my spending as my parents were never great with their money. They have filed for bankruptcy several times, had vehicles repossessed and we were evicted once when I was a kid. I refuse to end up like them, and am very uncomfortable with the idea of
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    getting a credit card to essentially pay to take Calli on a pre-wedding vacation. I feel like an awful person, but I simply cannot afford this. I know this will upset her and she will be very angry and will probably cry.
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    WIBTAH if I didn't go to the bachelorette party and also don't offer to pay my portion? Or should I up and just take out a loan? it
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    Active-Anteater1884 2d ago . Certified Proctologist [24] Oh, honey. I'm a generation older than you. I'm trying not to go all "in my day." But in my day ... a bachelorette was a bunch of us getting together, going to a club or maybe using someone's parents' pool, sticking a party store tiara on top of the bride to be, downing champagne and having a grand old time. Bridal showers were also more modest affairs, usually at
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    someone's home. Just to be clear we weren't poor. Our parents were all solidly middle class -- maybe even a little better off than middle class -- and we young adults with decent jobs, trying to climb the financial ladder. What Callie wants is OTT insanity. I do not give one single fig how much she's spent on fulfilling other entitled brides' ridiculous fantasies. That is absolutely her problem. What she is asking of you
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    is completely out of line. And the suggestion that you put it on a credit card or take out a loan? Get OUT of here. Absolutely, positively, NTA. And a piece of advice? Do NOT allow yourself to be bullied into taking part in this craziness.
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    Trick_Delivery4609 • 2d ago Aficionado [19] NTA "Sorry Calli! I already am using my tax refund for everything else in your wedding. I don't have a budget for that Disney expense. I am willing to take you out for a night on the town or for some pampering. I understand if you no longer want me to be your MOH and want one of the brides you spent
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    tons of money on to take you to Disney instead. Let me know your decision."
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    TheGreatGoatsby12 2d ago NTA. The bride is the AH. Sure, I would have loved to have gone to Disneyland for my bachelorette, but did I think that was worth asking my friends to go into debt for me? Absolutely not. She's acting like an entitled selfish brat and needs to be put in her place. She should have talked with everyone privately about their budgets and decided on something EVERYONE would be comfortable with.
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    I seriously can't stand this trend of brides feeling like they "deserve" for everyone to buy them an expensive trip for their bachelorette. Being a bride doesn't mean you deserve everything and are allowed to ignore your family and friends' life situations. Do not go into debt for this. Tell her you simply cannot afford this, but you will be there for her on the wedding day.
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    • Longjumping-Lab-1916 2d ago Certified Proctologist [22] This nonsense needs to stop. Why do so many people think they can live "lifestyles of the rich and famous" when they can't even afford to save 100 bucks for a rainy day? Please be fiscally responsible and absolutely don't go into debt for someone else's dream vacation.
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    Even asking for you to do so is appalling. If she did that in that past for other people, that's on her. I know someone who recently spent $3,000 as a groomsman for a trip, suit, stag etc that he couldn't afford. He's angry and bitter about it but he could have said "no, I can't afford your dream wedding". Don't be him. NTA
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    ZeeWingCommander ZeeWing Commander 2d ago Partassipant [3] • NTA - you shouldn't be going in debt for a wedding or someone else's wedding. Your cousin is extremely bad with money, don't take what she does as the norm. PS - you know what makes a marriage really strong? ....lots of debt

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